Words and actions

[chris21]

I'm a 20 year old university student and I met my current girlfriend about a year ago. I am absolutely head over heels in love with her and wouldn't even exclude wanting to spend the rest of my life with her. However, lately, she has no time for me ever. I'll see her perhaps 3 times a week where she'll put off seeing me until perhaps an hour or less before she's ready to sleep, we'll go to bed (very rarely anything other than just sleep), then she'll wake up really early to go do something. We have never spent an entire day together. She's a law student, does loads of extracurricular including rowing which she's really in to and very popular, especially with guys. She'll act very differently (ie less passionately) with me when we're around certain guy friends than when with her female friends or other (less attractive) guy friends. She'll tell me she has no time for anything other than work or extracurriculars, but will spend a few hours every day with her friends and never with me. During vacation periods, we talk about seeing each other but at a push she'll have me over hers for perhaps one night (it's a 3 hour train journey) even when she's totally free, and she's been to visit my family once.
And then here's the crux: whenever we part, and in calls and text messages, she'll always say she loves me, and says it so genuinely that it's the only thing that's keeping this relationship going. She apologises for not having the time, and says that she appreciates my understanding of all this. However, I really can't see how there's no way she couldn't rearrange a few things, or even just sacrifice hanging out with her friends for one night a week. I understand and expect that work should always come first, her extracurricular almost always, and her friends most of the time, but not all the time. I've spoken to her about it, she gets upset and says she will try really hard to change, but never does. She's sending me on an emotional rollercoaster with the massive gap between her actions and words. What can I do to save this?

[Dezzie]

In answer to your question 'What can I do to save this?' - Nothing.
Sorry to be so brutal but you're doing all in your power to be there for her. In this instance, she is the one falling short and I agree with you, she should be making plans to be with you more if she is truly in love with you. There is another possibility. She knows that you're you love her deeply and she enjoys being loved like this but is being selfish or she may not love you as deeply in return. To test this, start pulling back from her a bit and see how she reacts. Don't respond immediately to her messages and when she wants time with you, don't jump to her every command. Take the power back. If she starts to get a feeling of what it's like to not have you around, she may change her attitude very quickly. I wish you luck with this. It must hurt you a lot that she's not giving in as much into this relationship as you obviously are.