need advice

[darklighter77]

this is my first time asking for advice. i cant approach most people about this so ill give this a shot. ill make it as small as possible.

i have been in a long distance relationship with my former girlfriend for almost 4 years. it was leading to marrige. but 2 months before the families met she broke up with me. i didnt know what was going on, and was trying to work things out with her. she basically told me she was getting frustrated with long distance relationship.

later on i found out that while we were together a friend of hers asked her out, which she declined to but they hung out alot and she developed feelings for him and left me. and they were like basically going out. at this point i was a wreck. i dropped out of school and was doing everything possible to get her back.

they went out for a month and broke up. she called me one night crying and telling me how she made a mistake leaving me. while we were talking i found out that she was worried she was pregnant, and she didnt get a good response from him regarding the situation.

we both lived in different town. so i dropped out of my school and was moving to her town for school. so after all that happen, she wants to get back and try to work on our relationship again, when i move to her town.

i cant quiet figure out how to approach this situation. i still have feelings for her, but i am very angry. she described her relationship with the guy she left me for as nothing but physical and didnt mean anything to her. but i was and still am very hurt by her actions. we were suppose to get married this summer, but she left me, slept with another guy and when things got out of control came back to me. i kind of feel like im the last resort or wtvr.

she wants to get married by december, but i cant forgive her for what she did. when i see her or touch her i just get disturbing images of her and her ex bf. i know i love her and i want to be with her. but i am the type of person who doesn't forgive and forget easily. i am trying very hard to make things work and ignore what happen, but i end up blowing up on her time to time about what happen. also while we were one into our 3rd year in the relationship, i found out that she would see her ex bf and hid that fact from me and lied alot about it.

can anyone advice me on how to approach this situation, and how i can get over this and possibly try to be with her again. or should i even bother.

[H3R]

Your best bet is to take time... lots of time to figure out if being with her is what you truly want and is worth it. Just look at the sacrifices that you have made for her, but she was unwilling to make for you? It seems to me that she is trying to get you to put a ring on it so that she doesn't have this baby out of wedlock, but I could be wrong. Sometimes you can't go back and repair things and sometimes you can, but in your situation I would keep in touch with her occasionally, but move on to find some one who is willing to give you the same love that you put out.
Very unfortunate, but at least you have a choice and are not stuck because then you would resent her even more than you already do.
Good luck!

[wo0txrainbows]

What she did is very unfair to you, but there are two things that she might be doing. Like you said, she may be using you or she might actually realize that you are the better guy. You still have feelings for her but you are still understandably angry. I would suggest having a serious talk with her in person to see if she really does want to be with you. What’s also important is for her to confirm whether she really is pregnant or not.
After the talk, you can then try to see if you can let go of the anger or not. If you can, that means you have to let go of whatever happened. If you can’t, then that’s when you have to let her go.
Take into consideration what both of you have done in the relationship, what both of you have done after, and what might happen if you two get together or not. Ask yourself what will be better for you in the long run.
If you decide to stay with her, I would recommend some sort of relationship counseling before getting married, because with everything that’s happened, marriage isn’t something to be rushed right now. Ultimately the choice is up to you.
I hope everything works out for you.

[darklighter77]

sorry for the late reply guys. i thought i would get an email notification of some sorts when some one replies to my thread.

umm basically she is not pregnant, she was late so she was scared. she called me that night basically crying and wondering about what to do. i felt really bad about the situation. i guess at that moment i offered her to come stay with me so she wouldn't end up raising the kid alone and go through hell. but later on she found out that the guy wanted her to get an abortion if she was pregnant, because he wasn't ready for the respnosiblity. but luckily she wasn't. so they broke up.

at that point i told her that i didn't want to talk to her anymore. but she basically refused to do that, and wanted to try to work things out with me. we have been talking where i made it clear to her about how i feel about everything. and so far we are both just discussing about stuff that we both at this point expect out of a relationship. i made it clear to her that, i dont want an another breakup with her and if she decides to come back to make sure its for good.

h3r.. i totally agree with you bout taking some time. she agrees with it and is willing to wait for me figure out things. i try not to call her and she usually calls me. i am at this point kind of ready to accept the worse and move on if things seems like nothing has changed. i really appreciated your input thank you.

wo0txrainbows.. she actually said that she realized that no one would love her or put up with her like i have done in the past 4 years. she think i may not have been a good bf to her, but she sees me as a perfect husband for her and what not. i had most of the serious conversations with her where i told her how i felt about the whole situation and my outlook of it. we agreed to seeing a councelor to work things out between us.

i would say the main problem in our relationship was that i wasnt able to visit her alot due to financial and family problems. her family basically wants her to be with me and they were trying to make her understand what she was doing and convince her to get back with me. her mother basically told me to wait it out for as long as i can, adn when i reach my limit to move on.

i understand that i have to let go off the anger. she garuntees me that what she feels for me cant be felt over the phone, but only can be seen by the actions she will do once we get back together. i gues it will be work in progress and i should look into the worst case scenerio.

i appreciate the help guys thank you.

[H3R]

Thanks for the update, good luck and whatever you do, DON'T bring any kids into the picture!!! My ex said the same thing, that he has to "show me that he's changed" rather than to talk about it, but the conversation is pretty much the same as it has always been. Change is apparent to me when what comes out one's mouth from the inside is different, so that the actions follow suit...
Just my opinion, glad that you are taking it slow and I wish you good luck!