Does that consider cheating

[kuregtr]

Hi
Firstly a little back ground on my GF. She used to be a player and have flirt with other man. Now she has pledge her fatefullnees to me but still has many male friends. She talks about sex very casually to them and she seems to share many things with them. She clams that she mixes well with man and enjoys when those man says sweet things to her to please her. She say in this era this is so comman and that that is not being unfaithful and it is normal.

When we started the relationship, I made a request that she discontinue from contacting her ex-lovers and she agreed as due to her past, I don't feel very comfortable with it.. When I asked her if she has deleted contacts of these other mans, she said yes. I later found out that she still has these contact on her facebook. When I questioned her, she said it was just to look at their pics. Recently I found out that she still sends Emails to her lovers although contents I am not sure of and I would assume still talks to them.

I tried many times to explain to her how I feel but still it does not work. Everytime she does these thigs I will feel very sad.


Is there a problem with me? Is there hope in this relationship?

[faith]

Is there a problem with you"...NO
Is there any hope for the relationship?....IMO that would depend on a few things--first, that you both understand each other has a very different viewpoint/boundaries that you operate from in regards to how open you are when talking to the opposite sex....that's not to say 1 is "right" and the other "wrong"--just different

IMO the most important questions are....If you trust her and believe she loves you--can't you see past the fact that she may say things from time-to-time that might make your hair curl? Or do you believe she is cheating on you?

[gilliatnet]

@kuregtr: if she loves you truly she would not have lied to you! Love frames from trust and dedication. This girl lacks both. She's not the one for you.
This is my opinion.

[kuregtr]

Well it does not make my hair curl but rather it hurts me. Is she cheating on me? I don't know but does lying about other man especially her ex lovers considered cheating or the first step towards it?

[faith]

That is a difficult question to answer....

To you, she has been deceitful & logic tells you that if she would lie abt this--she would lie abt other things no-one could argue that logic!
But it is impossible to discern from her lie that this was a step towards cheating.....everyone lies to a degree for ex: you go to pick up your GF & she has spent an hour getting ready, doing her hair, make-up, ect....she has on a red dress & you hate red are you going to tell her so--or say "you look great!"?.....if you say "you look great" does that mean you'd cheat? Of course not! But you lied

Sometimes ppl lie to avoid confrontation or to spare feelings....this could be one of them I have to admit, I have been guilty of not telling BF's that I have guy friends--or that I spoke to a guy friend that day would I cheat? Not on your life! But I have not divulged this info. to avoid getting the third degree--or being suspect of something that IMO is way below me

I hate to say this--because I know it's going to sound extremely sexist but IMO there is a double standard here men don't USUALLY have female "friends", whereas women often do & they are suspected of foul play--when to them, it's innocent....I know this isn't always the case & there are exceptions to the rule--but there is a difference & I have witnessed discussions, in psych classes, where the majority of women declare that thier FRIENDS would not be given up for a BF if he demanded it For whatever reason, friendships appear to have more of an important role to women than they do to men....could be due to the fact that women (and this is a proven fact) feel more responsible than men do for keeping relationships in tact? IDK?

In the end, you alone have to decide if you feel she is cheating on you with this guy.....follow your gut instinct it's usually correct

[daffodil]

You obviously have different values. You can´t really ask her to give up her male friendships but at the same time, there are girls out there who don´t have so much regular contact to ex-lovers nor do they flirt with them. If this flirting makes you unhappy then you should get out of the relationship. She is not prepared to change, that is her decision, now you make your decision. Find a more homely, traditional girl who doesn´t have so many male friends.

[Tarun]

I would say there definitely still is hope! But maybe she does need to feel that you care about her so much! Or perhaps she is looking for the same you are! I definitely understand what you're questioning! I had the same issue with my ex. she asked to delete all the contacts with my ex-lovers... but i did not all, because I still want to be friends with them... but if otherwise things are going good, you should look at the bright side - you re still together! It s up to you... If you really love her then she should feel it... I hope that she is not pretending but cares about you too!!