Is this a red flag????

[musiclady112]

I have been dating my boyfriend now for the past 6 years off and on. Our breakups were sometimes due to his dishonesty, going back with his ex wife; found him on a dating site; and pursued a relationship via email with a woman that he said was just a friend. I broke it off with him right when he started to get personal with her via email, but their relationship never turned into anything once they met. I agreed to go back with him this last time, because he went to counseling to help fix our relationship, and for the most part it has helped us. Yet, there are still things that keep me feeling insecure. One of them just happen today. We were in bed and he was telling me how attracted he is to me, and how he has never been so attracted to anyone. He said that when he and I have broken up in the past, the other thing that he missed about me was my energy, and my sense of fun. Then he went on to say that that is what he loves about "THIS RELATIONSHIP". I felt hurt because he did not say "OUR RELATIONSHIP". Is this a flag that I should be concerned with?

The other thing that I am not sure about is that just recently his exwife went on vacation with their children, and she sent him an email asking him to do her a favor with regards to her house that seemed reasonable. He replied sure I will, but then ended the email with "I miss you guys". Is that another flag, telling his exwife that he misses her? I understand missing his kids, but I dont understand why he would say 'you guys". She replied with thanks for helping and never said I miss you back. I was happy about that, but I still think he was trying to see if he would get a similiar response from her. Am I just being paranoid?

[Lovesickidiot]

Hi,

Thank you for your post!
There is an old saying: once bitten, twice shy.
In your case I think in is apt. He cheated on you before so that in your mind it could happen again. Anything of course is possible!
As a guy some of us contact our exes from time to time knowing that they are nice people and fun to be with AND THAT IS ALL!
Some guys dont contact exes at all and others might hope to get together again.
When there are children involved and the children live with the other person, there will be times where you need to visit them and that includes your ex. It is much better, apart from the children to try to maintain a good relationship with that person as visiting becomes easier. You care for the person, you still like the person but usually you realize that you cant go back because for whatever reasons it didnt work. In your case he cares for you now, otherwise he would not be there!
Us men can also say the wrong things sometimes without realizing it. As the saying goes:
women have many faults while men have only two
Everything they say and everything they do!
So what I would say to you is that there are no guarantees in life and relationships are difficult and involve a lot of compromise and understanding. In your case I would look at the positives between the two of you and the things you share and do together. Build on those and appreciate that you two have something special. Nobody is perfect and can never be. Recognize all of those things and in time you will learn to trust him again.

Good Luck!

[musiclady112]

Thank you... I like your advice. And thank you again for replying to my post.

[Lovesickidiot]

My pleasure and I really hope it works out well for you!